In this episode I answer your questions such as:
And more.
If you'd like to send questions to be featured in a future Q&A episode, you can email them to gerdungmelinda@gmail.com
Book a coaching session: https://calendly.com/gerdungmelinda/coaching-session
---
Beat Provided By https://freebeats.io
Produced By White Hot
---
Find out more about my work: www.melindagerdungcoaching.com
Book a session with me: https://calendly.com/gerdungmelinda/coaching-session
---
Beat Provided By https://freebeats.io
Produced By White Hot
---
In this episode I answer your questions such as:
And more.
If you'd like to send questions to be featured in a future Q&A episode, you can email them to gerdungmelinda@gmail.com
Book a coaching session: https://calendly.com/gerdungmelinda/coaching-session
---
Beat Provided By https://freebeats.io
Produced By White Hot
---
Find out more about my work: www.melindagerdungcoaching.com
Book a session with me: https://calendly.com/gerdungmelinda/coaching-session
---
Beat Provided By https://freebeats.io
Produced By White Hot
---
Hey my friends, so today on the podcast, we're going to be doing something a little bit different. We're doing a q&a edition today where I answer questions that have been asked. If you want to ask a question to be featured in any future q&a sessions, you can send me an email at gerdungmelinda@gmail.com. I cannot guarantee at this time that we will for sure have another q&a session or when we will have one. But if you send them and then at some point there's enough of them, we will have another one again. All right, so our first question is how do we know when we are healed and ready for a healthy relationship? I would caution you on thinking of healed as a destination. Like there's definitely many layers to it. And I'm not sure we're ever completely healed in this lifetime. Like we can for sure get to the point where we know ourselves really well and we know our triggers and we know our minds and we know how to manage our minds and our nervous systems. And that will allow us to be in healthy relationships. You do not have to be "healed" to be in a healthy relationship. You just have to be really self aware and actively able to manage your mind and nervous system. Both of those are skills that I teach in my six week program so clients can go on and do just that and can feel confident getting into new healthy relationships. But as long as you have those skills, you should be good to go. You don't need to be waiting for some magical, healed destination. Our next question is how do you do 50/50 and still feel like a parent? From this question, I'm sensing that the discomfort you have around co parenting comes from your definition of what it means to be a parent. I would examine really closely how you want to define what being a parent means. Because being a parent doesn't have to mean being around your children constantly.When your kids grow up and leave the house, you're still their parent, right? Even though they have lives of their own and they're not living with you anymore. But it seems that in your current definition of being a parent, it does require you to be like, present with them constantly. But you get to choose how you define being a parent. And whatever definition you choose, you can then focus on fulfilling that definition to the best of your ability and then you will always feel like a parent. But as long as you're choosing to have a definition that means being a parent is spending 100% of your time with your kids you're going to keep grappling with that not feeling like a parent feeling. So, you don't have to change your definition of what being a parent means, but it is an option available to you that will allow you to feel really good about you and your experience coparenting. Third question is Why can't I find closure? And this is interesting because I would be interested in what closure means to you. I think people define closure in nuanced ways. But going on the typical definition of closure, I actually think closure isn't real in the way that often gets talked about. So I usually see people thinking closure is something that you have to get from the other person. But I don't think that's true. I think it's something that you give to yourself. You give closure to yourself by going through the grief process and letting go and moving on. And you don't need anything from anyone else to do that. I think so often we get hung up thinking something like well, if I just knew why he did what he did, then I could move on, then I could feel better. I think sometimes when we're hurting we think that knowing why will make the hurt go away. And that's simply not true. And I think that's why we so often get hung up on wanting closure because we think that will make the pain go away. But that will not make the pain go away. Knowing why isn't going to get rid of the feelings, right? The way you feel better isn't by trying to get closure from another person. You feel better by taking charge of your own mind and deciding on purpose how you want to think about that relationship and it's ending. Because you do get to decide how you think about it. Next question is Does it ever stop? I've moved on why doesn't she do the same? Okay, so we talk here all the time about how we can't control other people, right? The adults get to do whatever they want and there really isn't anything you can do about it. Right? It's her choice if she moves on or not. But I think you are asking this because somehow she is annoying you or pestering you and that's why you wish she would move on. And if that is the case my friend, you are going to need to set some really solid boundaries. You can't control what other people do, but you do get to control what you are here for. I would go back and review the episode on boundaries. That episode goes step by step into how to set and maintain healthy boundaries. Once you have really solid boundaries in place, it will matter a lot less to you what she does or doesn't do. Our in our last question is what are your go to songs for days you just want to empower your strong and independent side? Yeah, I love this question. I find anything by Imagine Dragons gets me in my power. I've heard a lot of people say I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor is good and Firework by Katy Perry. A really weird one that I find oddly empowering is God's plan by Drake. That's probably very unique to me though, but try it out. See if it works for you too. Alright my friends that's what I got for you this week. Remember my friends, your mind is the one thing that is completely within your control. It is the one place where you have all of the authority Taking responsibility for how you are thinking about things is a way to drastically change your life. Until next time, be well.