The holidays can be a difficult time for those of us coming out of toxic relationships. This episode contains practical advice for navigating this difficulty.
Book a session: https://calendly.com/gerdungmelinda/coaching-session
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Beat Provided By https://freebeats.io
Produced By White Hot
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Find out more about my work: www.melindagerdungcoaching.com
Book a session with me: https://calendly.com/gerdungmelinda/coaching-session
---
Beat Provided By https://freebeats.io
Produced By White Hot
---
The holidays can be a difficult time for those of us coming out of toxic relationships. This episode contains practical advice for navigating this difficulty.
Book a session: https://calendly.com/gerdungmelinda/coaching-session
---
Beat Provided By https://freebeats.io
Produced By White Hot
---
Find out more about my work: www.melindagerdungcoaching.com
Book a session with me: https://calendly.com/gerdungmelinda/coaching-session
---
Beat Provided By https://freebeats.io
Produced By White Hot
---
Hey my friends. The holidays are upon us. I cannot believe it; this year has gone by so fast. Like it was January and then I blinked and now it's December. Like where has this year gone for reals? I know the holidays can be a tricky time for a lot of people for various reasons. My first holiday season after leaving my marriage was really rough. My divorce finalized on the 18th of November in 2018. And Thanksgiving was right around the corner. Thanksgiving had always been my favorite holiday like it's a holiday about food. It can't get better than that. But I was seriously dreading that holiday. Like I was sick to my stomach leading up to it. I did not want to do it. I didn't want to do a family gathering at all period like not interested. I also felt like I didn't have a choice. Because at that point, I was still living at my grandma's and she was having the family over. So unless I went somewhere else, I was just going to be at her Thanksgiving gathering by default of living there. And I didn't really have anywhere else to go. I didn't have any friends. At that point financially I wasn't really in a position to be able to like travel or take a trip somewhere. And I didn't like the idea of just hanging out somewhere random by myself. So I was going to do the family gathering, but I was dreading it. I was mainly dreading the questions, or the questions I was anticipating, rather. I hadn't talked to very many people about my divorce or about the circumstances that led to it. Other than my grandma and my mom, I hadn't told anyone about what had been going on inside that marriage. And I didn't really want to talk about it. And I have this one great aunt in particular that is just really nosy and incredibly rude, like all of the time. And I was anticipating having to deal with her probing. And you know how some people do backhanded compliments or make little digs every chance that they get? That's how she is. She's just incredibly rude and has no issue asking questions that most people would not have the audacity to ask. So I was anticipating her grilling me about my divorce and making snide comments about it. And I was caught in this place of not wanting that to happen, and also feeling kind of helpless about it. Like I hope she doesn't do that or it's going to ruin the day for me. But what I had to come to terms with is how I was victimizing myself in this scenario. I was anticipating her actions based on how she was in the past, which may or may not happen in the future. But I was also not taking any responsibility for how the holiday would go. I was surrendering all of my power to her. If she does this, I won't have a good holiday. But if she doesn't, then I will. It gave her all the power, all the control. I was relinquishing any responsibility in the matter. And while it is true that I don't have any control over her actions, I can't make her not be rude or not try to pry into my business in uncomfortable ways. But I get to decide how I respond to her. I get to decide what I will and will not engage with. I get to decide what ruins my holiday. Maybe she will be a jerk. But I can decide ahead of time how I'm going to respond if she is. I get to decide ahead of time what my boundaries are. I can decide that she doesn't have the ability to ruin my holiday. I can decide that I'm going to have a good time and I'm going to make it so. And so that is what I did. I made a plan. I decided what I was willing to talk about and I decided what I would do if someone tried to talk to me about something that I didn't want to talk about. I decided how I would handle it if someone was rude to me. And I decided to have a good time. I decided what I was going to do in order to make it a better time for me. I made a game plan going in and it worked marvelously. I had anticipated a horrible day, but it wasn't at all. It was just fine. I took several solo walks. I drink some delicious wine, I ate delicious food, and I didn't talk about anything I didn't want to talk about. I had a good day. And that's what I want to offer you here. The holidays can be complicated times for those of us who are coming out of toxic relationships. But it's important to remember our own power and to remember what we have control over and not to give that control up to anyone else. And to try not to control anyone else. When we relinquish trying to control things we cannot control and take full responsibility for what is in our control, we can set ourselves up for the best possible outcome. It stops being a game of chance and becomes a plan that you execute against. So no matter what circumstances you find yourselves in this holiday season, I would invite you to take full responsibility for what is in your control and decide on purpose what you are going to do with those circumstances. We don't always control the hand we are dealt, but we get to decide how we're going to play it. We get to decide how we're going to think about things. We get to decide how we're going to show up to our circumstances. We don't have to like them. There might be things going into this holiday season that suck, that you would never have chosen for yourself. And also you get to decide how you approach those circumstances. You get to decide that, given these circumstances, how am I going to make the best of this? It's not about silver lining it. I don't believe in putting lipstick on a pig. Like yeah, some things just fucking suck. And also, no matter how much things suck, you still get to decide how to think about it and how to show up for it. You still get to make choices that will optimize things for you. There are always aspects that are within your control, even if that is only your own mind and where your thoughts will be. And I'm always advocating for people to remember the control and the power that they have over their own minds. And to use that to their full capacity. This is the power of this work. Because I didn't have a great Thanksgiving because no one was rude to me or because no one tried to pry into my business. No, all of those things still happened. But I had a game plan for it. I had a plan for how to handle and and how to maintain my own peace. If this is something that is stressing you out this holiday season, go ahead and book a session with me and we will make a solid game plan together. The link to do so will be in the show notes. Until next time, my friends be well.