The Truth of Indecision

This episode talks about how to get out of indecision and what to do when you feel like you just don't know what to do. 

Schedule a private coaching session: https://calendly.com/gerdungmelinda/coaching-session

---
Beat Provided By https://freebeats.io
Produced By White Hot
---

Find out more about my work: www.melindagerdungcoaching.com

Book a session with me: https://calendly.com/gerdungmelinda/coaching-session


---
Beat Provided By https://freebeats.io
Produced By White Hot
---

Transcript

0:51

Hello my friends hello my friends. Summer is in full swing like it is supposed to be 113 degrees today and we are just getting started. It's gonna be a long hot one. So what I want to talk about today, I want to start off with a question to ask yourself: How often do you say 'I don't know'? I catch myself saying that almost as a default and then immediately following up with a real answer. It's like a habit or something. I actually think most of the times when we tell ourselves we don't know, it's bullshit. I think it is something that we tell ourselves when we're afraid. And sometimes it is easier to tell ourselves that we don't know so that we can debate ourselves rather than look at something painful. I spent years in my marriage doing this, trying to decide if I should leave. And the truth is that deep down I knew that I wanted to leave. I knew even that I should. I knew that what was happening wasn't right. And it wasn't what I wanted. But facing that and facing the consequences of that and having to do something with that knowledge was too terrifying for me to even look at. Like I knew if I decided I needed to leave that I would have to then leave. And that was too terrifying. So instead, I held endless debates with myself over the pros and cons of leaving. And it was a great distraction because it felt productive. It felt responsible. It felt like I was trying to make a good decision. What it actually was was being so afraid of what would happen next if I made the decision I wanted to make, that I refuse to actually make the decision. It was less scary to continue to debate with myself than to move forward with a decision. And I'm not judging the version of me that did this. I know that it was too painful for me at that time to make a decision. So I didn't. But I do think that it would have been more valuable for me to have told myself the truth of it. I think it is more valuable to say I'm not ready to make this decision right now. I'm not ready to hold the pain and the consequences of the choice I want to make. Hell, there are things that I am doing that with right now. There are some things that I am not ready to do yet. And that's okay. But it's so much more efficient to be able to own that and not spend all of my energy in a pretend debate with myself. You can decide you want to do something and also acknowledge that you aren't ready to do it yet. But at least acknowledging it lets you look at what your fears are. What are the fears holding you back? What would have to be true in order for you to action on this decision? And these are useful things to work through and can ultimately allow you to make progress. Holding pretend debates kind of saps your energy without truly accomplishing anything. It's really unnecessary. But it's also really understandable why we do this. And it doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you. Sometimes looking at this stuff is incredibly painful. Looking at what making certain decisions mean can be devastatingly painful. And sometimes we aren't ready to face that pain. And it's very human and normal to try to avoid pain. Avoiding pain is one of the main pillars of human motivation. So don't be hard on yourself for being human and doing this. Making the decision to leave my marriage meant facing losing my home, losing half my income, living alone, and all sorts of really scary unknowns. And it took years of building up my strength to be able to weather that and even then actually doing it took everything that I had and it was a really scary and painful and awful experience. So it's no wonder I tried to avoid it. And sometimes we do this with responsibility too. Sometimes it's easier and less painful to insist we don't know why things are the way they are instead. of looking at how we have contributed to them. I don't know is almost always a cover for pain and fear. But when we say we don't know, we are ignoring that pain and fear. It doesn't go away; we just don't face it. And when we don't face it, we can't overcome it. And this is how you can end up stuck in a stalemate with yourself. So my friends, I would invite you to ask yourself, is there something that you are telling yourself you don't know what to do about? A decision that maybe you are avoiding making? And I would invite you to give yourself permission to not need to do anything about it and let yourself settle into the truth. Settle into your knowing. You don't have to do anything about the knowing. You can just look at it. You can look at what it is you know you actually need or want to do. And you can look at why you haven't-- the real reasons. What are you afraid of? What pain are you avoiding? You can decide without acting on it. Just make the decision. It's okay to say I've decided this but I'm not ready to act on it yet. But just allowing yourself to tell the truth will actually feel less stressful in the long run. It will be uncomfortable as hell because you'll be facing shit you've been very actively avoiding. But it will also let you reclaim that energy you've been spending doing that avoiding. All right, my friends. Until next time, be well.