The 'Saved for Later' Pain

The reason why you can start to feel worse after you leave an abusive relationship and how to handle it. 

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Beat Provided By https://freebeats.io
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Transcript

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Hello my friends. I hope you are having a beautiful week this week. Have you noticed how sometimes after you've left the abusive relationship and you start to heal, that you start to feel really bad? Sometimes even worse than you felt before. I had this happen too. I was miserable in my marriage, of course. but I was also on edge every single day. There was always an on my toes, walk on eggshells, hyper vigilance kind of thing going on. I was basically pumped up with adrenaline every single day. And what I didn't realize then, that I would later discover, is that that adrenaline was in part acting as like a pain number. So after I left, and it became safe again. My adrenaline, of course started coming down. And then I was able to feel all of the feelings that had kind of been put off by being in that super activated state. And that's a normal bodily function, right? That's one of the functions of adrenaline. It gives you that boost when you're in danger, so that you can escape from danger. And it kind of blocks your pain receptors a little. That's how you can end up in this situation like a lot of times car accident victims don't feel all of the pain immediately because of all the adrenaline. but once the adrenaline is gone, then you can really feel the pain and this was no different. so suddenly, I was able to feel all of the emotional and physical effects of being in that abusive relationship. My body didn't start to show the signs of the stress it had been under until afterwards. That's when I started having the panic attacks and the heartburn and the ringing in my ears and the tension headaches, insomnia, sadness, anxiety, grief. Anger, all of it came after. So if you find yourself in a similar place, know that you are normal. This is actually really common. And it does get better. I can't tell you that it all just goes away one day because I still have some of this physical symptoms. And to be frank with you, I don't know if those will ever go away. My body went through a lot. Like my body went through seven years of abuse that was seven years of holding all of that pain inside and living in an activated state that is really only meant to occur for short periods of time. Like of course there are effects from that. Of course there are. It's like how athletes end up needing joint replacements really early on in life like when we put our bodies through a lot they wear down. They feel that. I find self compassion to be a great balm for all of the after effects of abuse. Like you've been through enough. You've had enough harshness. Now is the time for gentleness. It's time to be gentle with yourself. Lots of people try to tell me that they don't know how to be gentle with themselves or nice to themselves. but that is a lie. If you know how to treat others with gentleness, kindness and compassion, then you know how to treat yourself that way too. It really isn't different. Our brain tried to tell us it is,but it really isn't. Don't say anything that you wouldn't say to a friend to yourself. Don't treat yourself the way you wouldn't treat someone else. And it does take practice right if you're very practiced at being mean to yourself, then it is going to take some time and some effort to replace that habit. But how you treat yourself when you mess up on your new goal of being nice to yourself is another opportunity for practicing self compassion and kindness. If you genuinely don't know how to be nice ,like you are mean to yourself and everyone around you and you have never been kind to anyone or anything in your life,but you want to start. Think of someone that you think embodies kindness, like in the dictionary under kindness would just be a picture of them. And then constantly be asking yourself how would that person respond in this situation and then model that. Speak to yourself like you imagine they would. Treat yourself and others how you imagine they would. And no one does this perfectly. I sure don't. but I try my best and I'm always improving over time. And that's really all we can do. And if you'd like extra support in this, you can use the link in the show notes to sign up for a session with me and we can work on this together. Until next time my friends, be well.