Being Haunted

A couple of techniques to try when you feel haunted by the past. 

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Transcript

0:18

Hey my friends. Did you know my friends that I love ghost hunting? I watch a lot of ghost hunting shows on TV, or shows about haunted places. I've been on ghost hunting tours and every chance I get I stay in a haunted hotel. I'm always looking for ghosts. I just think it's fun. One time I even snuck into a cemetery in the middle of the night to play oiuja boad. Nothing happened. But it was so fun to do it. I'm super into it. And that's what

this episode is about today: 0:57

ghosts. Except not the haunted house type of ghosts. The type of ghost we're going to talk about is ghosts of the past, which in my opinion, is infinitely scarier than a haunted house ghost. A couple weeks ago, my partner was working on something. And I was working on something else. And when I saw him, he seemed upset. Like visually, he just seemed off. And I immediately got anxious. Like more than my usual anxious. My whole body was just like trembling, I was straight up scared. So I'm trembling, and I go and ask him if he's mad. And he's like, No, I'm not mad. I'm a little frustrated at the lack of user friendliness of this website, but no, I'm not angry. And then so I'm like, why am I so scared? Like I'm over here, fucking terrified, having anxious belly and just shaking all over, like, what am I so scared of? I felt like a crazy person. And I realized that what I was actually scared of was a ghost. It was the ghost of my ex. In the life that I lived with my ex, if I detected something that seemed off with him, it meant danger. It meant I needed to be extra on guard because he was probably going to do something to me. So now, even though my ex is long gone, and my current partner doesn't behave at all like my ex, I still get terrified when I perceive something off with him. Because that perceived irritation in his features still lights up that neural network in my brain that says something bad is about to happen. You're in danger. When I'm driving in the car, and I take a wrong turn or something, I immediately start to panic, even if I'm alone. But worse if there's someone else in the car, even if they aren't saying anything, or even if they're like saying comforting things like it's okay, you'll just take the next exit or whatever. I'll be in a full blown panic, like shaking and hyperventilating. Because back in the day, my ex would get really nasty if I would make mistake while driving. So now, even though he's not there, even though no one is being nasty, if I make a mistake while driving, his ghost still shows up. I still get scared. That neural network in my brain still lights up. And it can feel horribly inconvenient. And like you are being a crazy person. Because you know you're safe. There's no danger. But your body is still acting like there is. Because those neural networks that formed while we were in those relationships still exist in our brains. They still exist and they can still be activated by stimulus. I think it is important when you experience this type of haunting to not be hard on yourself. Don't beat yourself up for it. And that is really, really, really important because if you do, you are adding to the danger element for that neural network. It is adding an emotional charge to it and strengthening it. I find it really helpful to start by just recognizing what is happening. Look at what is actually happening around you, are you in any real danger? And if not, I'll just tell myself, Hey, it's okay, you're safe, this is just a ghost. It's not real. And then I think it is useful to do a pattern interrupt. Because that's all that is really happening. A neural network lit up in your brain and your body is responding to it in the programmed way and you'll want to disrupt that programming. There are many different pattern interrupting techniques, and I'll give you a couple here to try out. But this should interrupt the pattern just enough to give you a window to calm yourself down and remind yourself that you are safe and there is no danger. One of the pattern interrupts you can try is to widen your visual focus. So try to pay real close attention to and expand your peripheral vision. So soften your focus and expand it outwards and back almost like you are trying to see all the way behind you. The reason this works is that adrenaline has an effect where it kind of gives you tunnel vision; it narrows your focus. So if you can soften your gaze and expand it outwards, to like the periphery, it kind of breaks that pattern. And that gives you a window to tell yourself that you're safe and calm down. Another pattern interrupt you can try is bilateral stimulation. All that really is is engaging both hemispheres of the brain. Anxiety tends to be concentrated in one hemisphere of the brain. And so when you stimulate both hemispheres, it can create a break in that to allow you to assert to yourself that you are safe and calm down. Bilateral stimulation can be done by alternating taps on your knees, or by tossing any sort of object back and forth between your hands, making sure that you cross the midline of your body. So my friends, next time you find yourself encountering one of your ghosts, try one of these pattern interrupts and then tell yourself that you're safe. And be patient and kind with yourself. Remember that no one bats 100. Sometimes I won't even remember to do those things right away. Or even at all. Do it when you can remember, when you recognize that there is a ghost. Use a pattern interrupt to interrupt what your brain is doing and reassert your safety to yourself. And let me know how it goes. And let me know if you know of any sweet haunted locations to check out. Alright my friends. Until next time, be well.