Plan B

We all end up facing things we didn't want. This episode is all about staying in your power when that happens.

Option B by Sheryl Sandberg

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Transcript

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Hey, my friends, I want to talk this week about mental flexibility. There is great power in being able to be flexible in what your idea of what life should look like, what relationships should look like, etc. My life doesn't look how I thought it would when I was younger. And if I got hung up on thinking that my life isn't what it is supposed to be, what it should be, that could be really miserable. Being open to how my life could look different than I thought it would and still be great, has been a great source of peace and freedom for me. I can't remember the name of the movie. I think it might have been Under the Tuscan Sun, but the woman had moved to Europe for a fresh start after a horrible divorce, and she has this idea that her life should be a husband and children. And she doesn't end up with a husband and children, but she ends up surrounded by really good friends and living with one particular friend or sister or somebody who has a baby out of wedlock. And so at the end of the movie, one of her friends is talking to her and says, I think you got your wish. And she's like, What are you talking about? He's like, that one day, you told me you wanted there to be a wedding and a family here. And that's when she realizes that she got everything she wanted, just not in the form that she thought it would take. And I think about that a lot, how if we get too hung up on things looking a specific way, then we miss the beauty of what actually is or could be. We can miss out on being happy when we cling too hard to a specific vision without the flexibility to let it adapt. I think this is a particularly relevant topic during the holidays. I see a lot of divorcees struggling with the holidays not looking how they are "supposed to" after divorce. They might not be able to be with their kids on the holiday like they used to, or they are now spending it alone, and it doesn't match up to the vision in their heads of how it should be, and so they feel miserable. And that's an option. But another option is to make the best of things how they are, to maximize the enjoyment that exists for yourself. Sheryl Sandberg's book, option B puts this really great. She says, "When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." Whether it's in life or relationships or even something as small as the holidays, we all have an ideal plan A for how we would like things to go. But life doesn't always work that way. All of us, at some point, with some facet of life, end up not being able to go with Plan A. We have to go with Plan B. And in going with Plan B, you can go moping and kicking and screaming, or you can kick the shit out of plan B. You make the best plan B you can. I think it comes down to personal power and staying in your power and out of victim mode. Yes, we can and will be sad when plan A doesn't work out, but you can lay down and wallow in it, or you can kick the shit out of plan B. When I was younger, I thought I would get married and have kids. I did not think I would get abused. I did not think I would get divorced. But I did, and now I'm living my plan B. I honestly think My Plan B is better than my plan A ever was. Not everyone might feel the same way about their plan B, but it is possible to do your best to make your plan B the best it can possibly be, and allow yourself to move into a state of acceptance of the loss of plan A and the presence of plan B. Allow yourself to find happiness even in circumstances you didn't necessarily want. Because there is probably joy to be found somewhere in the plan B if you willing to look for it. And seriously read that book, Option B, by Sheryl Sandberg. It is a great book for anyone who has been through anything difficult, but do prepare yourself, because it is a tear jerker. An inspirational tear jerker. tearjerker but still a tearjerker. I'll put a link to it in the show notes. All right, my friends. Until next time, be well.