Breaking a Brain Habit

We can have habits of the brain like any other habit. This episode gives two steps to breaking brain habits for good.

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Transcript

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Hey, my friends. Last week, I discovered something that really irritated me. I discovered that when someone gets mad, or I think someone is mad at me, I immediately snap back into being this scared person who gets quiet and tries to make themselves small. And like want to grovel and make it better. That's how I was as a child, that's how I survived childhood, but it isn't who I want to be now as an adult, and it definitely doesn't serve me. It isn't who I really am. But it was annoying to watch myself snap back into that shape. And I realized that it was just a habit. We can have brain habits, just like any other habit. I'm not sure if I shared this story on here before or not, but I always got anxiety on Sunday nights before going back to work on Monday. Right? The Sunday scaries. And I always attributed it to anxiety about having to go back into work, and maybe that's how it started. But when I got laid off and I didn't have to work on Mondays anymore, for a while, I was still getting Sunday night anxiety. It was just a brain habit of mine to have anxiety on Sunday nights. It no longer had anything to do with work or not. It was literally just a brain habit at that point. You probably have some brain habits of your own. You might notice in certain situations or around certain people, you have a default behavior or way of thinking or being, and sometimes that's fine, but sometimes, like in the case of me reverting to my childhood behavior, it isn't fine, and it isn't how or who we want to be. And when that is the case, we have to break the brain habit. Breaking a brain habit is no different than breaking any other habit, which is good news bad news. Good news because it can be done and we know how to do it. Bad news because if you've ever tried breaking a habit before, you know it is hard as fuck. I find with breaking brain habits, it can be really helpful to be proactive about it. And what I mean by that is that if my brain habit is to make myself small, I need to, all of the time, not just when it comes up, practice thinking thoughts that are counter to that. So I need to practice thinking things like I have the right to take up Space. Or, weirdly, the thought that I've actually been practicing is I am not a prey animal, because that is what that behavior feels like to me. But in order to break a brain habit, you need to be consistently reinforcing a different idea. And then if and when you do go into your brain habit, you can recognize it and course correct as needed. So the next time I notice myself going into that smallness, I can just recognize it and course correct and do that as many times as are needed until it stops being a brain habit. All the while on the daily reinforcing thoughts to counter that brain habit. Practicing thinking thoughts on purpose is a powerful way to reprogram your own brain. Because a belief is just a thought that you've thought many times until it feels true to you. So anything can become a belief, if you want it to. When I teach clients how to practice new thoughts, there are two key ingredients to really making it stick. And the first is to practice a thought that is already believable to you. I could think that I am powerful to try to counter my brain habit, but if I don't really believe that it isn't really going to stick. I am much better off practicing a thought that is different than my current brain habit, but still believable to me currently, like I am stronger than I give myself credit for. That feels more believable to me than I am powerful, and it still counters the brain habit. The second key is that repetition is the only way to success. Like a lot of repetition. Way more than you think is necessary. Like you need to bombard yourself with your intentional thoughts. This is the only way to overpower the old ways. So I will do things like set timers on my phone that say my intentional thought, or I'll make it my screensaver, or put sticky notes in places that I look a lot. Anything to get myself to practice the new thought a lot. This is how you break a brain habit. Because if I come to believe that I am stronger than I think, then me trying to make myself small will be like putting on clothing that doesn't fit. It just won't feel right anymore, and it's naturally going to want to make a change of behavior. So my friends, if you have a brain habit you want to break, try this method out. And if you want any help with the process, you can use the link in the show notes to book a session with me. All right, my friends, until next time, be well.